by Cynthia Thompson

            October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. Also, October is Mental Health Awareness and Breast Cancer Awareness month. As we close October, let us focus on Intimate Partner Violence, which comes under Domestic Violence. By increasing awareness, the amount of violence may decrease. By shining the spotlight, intimate partner violence comes out of the darkness into the light.

           In the United States, nearly twenty people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner. I am not my sister’s keeper; I am my sister. One in four women experiences severe intimate partner physical violence. I am not my sister’s keeper; I am my sister. One in ten women has been raped by an intimate partner. I am not my sister’s keeper; I am my sister. Many victims of intimate partner violence feel alone, feel isolated. Yet they are not alone. We stand together because of the sheer numbers of people who have suffered in silence. Many people are physically abused, and some did not survive. They are not alone; the violence continues to happen. I am not my sister’s keeper; I am my sister.

           The definition of Domestic violence is causing harm to a family or household members. Intimate partner violence is a pattern of harming a person who has been involved in an intimate (generally sexual) relationship. Domestic violence may include violence between siblings, whereas intimate partner violence is limited to partners in an intimate relationship. Even after the personal relationship has ended, the perpetrator may continue to harm the partner.

           Abuse consists of four phases. Phase one is the tension building phase. Phase one manifests itself through passive aggression. The tension-building stage produces a heightened sense of fear and anxiety. Phase two is the abusive incident itself. It is the offensive act, which may be physical, emotional, financial, or sexual. Phase three is the reconciliation phase. Phase three is when the perpetrator is very apologetic. Phase four is the honeymoon stage when everything seems to be normal and happy.

           The question often posed is, why does the victim stay. First, that question indicates blaming the victim for the perpetrator’s actions. There are many reasons that a victim remains in an intimate partner relationship. One reason is that the victim does not release that the relationship is toxic or abusive. Another reason is that the victim blames themselves and is often ashamed. Additionally, the perpetrator does not look like a scary monster. The perpetrator seems more like a knight in shining armor. As the knight in shining, when others view the perpetrator, they would never suspect the perpetrator of being abusive.

           I am not my sister’s keeper; I am my sister, and together we can break the silence of domestic violence. We can break the silence by no longer keeping the secrets of domestic violence. Tell, tell everyone, tell the police, tell friends, tell coworkers, tell, tell, and tell again. If you are currently in an intimate partner violence relationship, help is available. The National Hotline Number is 800-799-7233, 800-787-3224 (TTY). The Ohio hotline number is 800-934-9840. 

            Speak up, speak out, together we stand.